Why Now?

Have you ever wondered why you, and what seems to only be you, have to work so hard to accomplish things in life? If your answer is yes, then welcome on my boat folks!

I have a really hard time pushing myself away from self-discouragement. Asking for help seldom comes from my mouth. Independence is a winning battle over my entire being. I do things on my own, sometimes selfishly; mostly not.

Lately I've been struggling with why do I work so much? Why do I seem to be the only one that goes above and beyond my call of duty!? And why do I feel like the business floats only by my mighty ant self?!

The answer that pops in front of me, also on a daily basis is THIS is what WE are CREATED for!
We are created as a people of God to do everything for HIS glory, not our own, not for our boss, not even for our customers. Its ONLY for the Lord. He created us for His pleasure. And how great is the feeling of freedom we receive through His grace that has healed our broken pieces. Lord have your way with me. Because I am yours and yours alone. Not a day passes without struggle, but not a night ends without His grace and love covering our souls.

His grace is sufficient enough to appease our sorrows. But should they even BE sorrows? Aren't we lucky to be alive? Blessed to have jobs?! Oh the wonderful love of Jesus that passes all understanding. He created us to work, and we work hard to give him glory. Imagine life without the blessings. Now that's struggling! Please don't give up hope. You are worth more than the suffering. You life means more than the sorrowful tears. God is so good and He has you surrounded by angels. If only you could completely open your heart and your mind to those angels, He wants you to be well.

Today I'm missing things. But not really so much as material things, but the things that make up my heart. The things that keep my heart beating and my brain focused.

I will say it time and time again, cherish those you love. Hold them close to your heart, because you never know when it could all just fall apart. There are so many words I have for my family and for my friends. But it's all really simple when your find the core to your misery. I miss them. I see my friends a lot more than I see my family. But I really have a desire to be closer with my family. It's an ongoing prayer request that I can't see God working out for me. And today He gave me simple reminders that I am loved an cherished by Him most importantly but also by my friends and family. And so up bubbles my feelings of urging for unity in my family. I have incredible parents that prove Gods love daily. They have impacted my life in so many huge ways. And more importantly they've shown me the importance of making an impact is some many others lives too.

I just want to sit on the porch with my mom and talk about her flowers. Or sit and listen to my dad snore while he's "watching" ESPN. Or listen for hours and hours to my little brother tell me about game cheats and the best way to set up my own mine craft. Or be teased and tormented for my silly decision making or uncanny confidence about subjects I have no real grasp on, by my older siblings; whom seem to have their lives being crafted together.

I love my family, as distant as they may be. My heart has never been more full.

Freedom

Have you ever thought about why YOU are alive, why you have so many hairs on your head? Do you ever think how crazy, just absolutely insane that every single strand of hair is counted, every single star is named & numbered by Our Jesus! Oh baby! That's intense. My heart just jumps and my mind skips to the joyful idea that God has so much control that our mere beings are completely and totally cared for. That's what freedom is, knowing that no matter how your life turns out, as long as you continue to worship the Lord and keep Him so utterly close to your heart, mind and spirit, He will never let go.

Happy 4th of July!

Caffeinated Spirit.

I don't know about you, but I am a HUGE fan of my covers in the morning, noon and night. I could sleep and sleep for days. Recently, however, I have been a little convicted on how much "lazy" time I allow myself to be consumed with. The answer; TOO MUCH!!!!

I am striving to become this newer better version of myself with all of these spiritual upgrades and a full agenda. I've been working more than 50 hours a week for the past month and let me just say that I now know what exhaustion is. I also know what its like to pray for patience and energy, and have the weird feeling that I'm starting to sound repetitive... As I'm getting older the all nighters are becoming extinct. The idea of never sleeping honestly gives me anxiety. Which from what I know is an old peoples disease!!!

So as I've been convicted to continue to do more and more, instead of crawling into bed, I have started a pray journey on having the opportunity to go to a third world country. This is a huge, huge, commitment and will be a huge blessing for my life. But most important to me, a way to spread the joy I have in my heart for the Lord. I haven't quite grasped all of these new upgrades to my spirituality, but never the less I see God moving in my heart and in my mind.

I have been participating in Lisa Harpers Hebrews Lifeway small group study and as we have been entering "the great sermon" written throughout Hebrews I can feel my heart just melting and molding into a piece of Jesus, of what he was for the Disciples and what He means to me. Incredible. And that doesn't even represent the awe in my heart for Him and what He has given to us. For us to enjoy. How could we not want to pass it along?

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! is my brain language these days. Pure excitement that The Lord will continue to bless my life, no matter how far I may fall, His hands are long enough to pull me out of that darkness. And He will always teach me that every single bump in the road of life is just another chapter He has already written in my Story Book.

Praying for guidance and more patience. But also for some Jesus-caffeine!

Brain Waves

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the wasters." Genesis 1:1&2.
So obviously God gets the idea of large massive bodies of water. Or else we wouldn't have land separating the masses of water. The oceans are SO huge. Deep and incredibly mysterious. have you ever though of how similar the oceans are to our Heavenly Father?

He captures us, surrounds all that we are and just wants us to come closer and closer. I don't know about you but a vacation to the beach is a highlight of my year. Just think if instead of lounging in our sun chairs on the Florida coast, we accept the fact the God has His son shining down on our lives and continues to pursue us, just like the tides rise and fall so the Lord comes closer in each an every way. He wants us. More and more everyday. Its our turn to just run and jump into His loving waves. And let him sweep us under with His grace, and passion for our valuable lives.

There is Something About a Blank Canvas..

Have you ever just stared at a blank page? Wondering if you're ever going to make that list, or write that thought down?
Too many times we fall back and don't focus on our goals.
There have been many things that have come to light during this "graduation season" and the beginning of "The Summer of 2014".
First: I am smart. Maybe too smart for my own good. I have convinced myself of lots of things, but never have I grasped the idea that I have some brains; smart ones.
Second: My God is a VERY gracious God. Now this isn't a new idea, but it has been highlighted ever so brightly in my mind. Over and over I fail, I sin, I fall and there He is to always pick me up and hold me tight; continuing to make me stronger and SMARTER! With His grace flooding into my heart I am just in such awe of how much He truly loves us, each of us, all the same. NO matter what.
Third: I can do anything I put my mind to. This is just proof that #1&2 have really been sinking in.
Fourth: When you have something special in your life, do not take it for granted; because it could just as soon be gone. Don't rush life. Take time to smell those daisies!

I have had a "trying" year, to say the least. I have really done a doozy to my support group, my finances, my comfortable necessities in this 1st world zone and many other "things". But I have learn most valuable lessons in this struggle. And I want everyone to know that there is always hope, in Our God. We can do all things through Christ who gives (generously) us strength. We don't need to do it alone. If you don't allow those people that love you the most to permeate through your core then your not actually allowing God to take over your life.

It has been tense for me to be surrounded by family. But once I understood the lessons that they have been ever so patiently been teaching me; I could accept the truth they have been pouring into my life and I have moved on from the guilt, the pain, the struggle of self doubt. And now I have freedom. Freedom in forgiveness of myself, freedom through The Lord. To enjoy this life He gives us to abundantly bless every one of His people.

EVERLASTING YOUR LIGHT SHINES WHEN ALL ELSE FADES.

CONSUME ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT.